My future looks so uncertain that even I’m panicking.
I don’t know what to do.
Karl’s the worst person to do business with.
I’m not even getting half my wage some weeks, and once paid the following week the debt from the week before is forgotten. Like literally sometimes living on 50 a week.
My security was knowing I had my car (ford focus) because I could always get around or sell it if need be.
Today he rocked up with some guy, and sold MY car (wasn’t in my name) and he justifies it by saying being broken into cost him money….
So I’m borrowing Leanne’s car.. But she will need it back..
So I’ve no car, no money, living on my own, no hobbies, drift car needs money to finish, barely a job at the minute because karl managed to get the eBay shop shut down whilst I’m over here at the MOT station covering for Leanne.
I’ve got nothing.. If anything, I’m worse off than before.
I’ve got Anita, but it costs money to fuel a car to see her… So I won’t have her for long..
I had to pawn my camera to the MOT inspector so I could afford to come home for Christmas because I didn’t get my full wages.
And I got a feeling that, if I were to raise an argument/discussion with karl, he’d just send me home because it seems as though he wants to close everything and live off the money he has in the buildings.
So, yeah.. I’m freaking out. Haha..
Lately I haven’t known how to feel, at all.
My mind is smashed.
I feel uneasy. I moved to Manchester about 6 months ago. I was the star kid. I worked somebody out of a job, and created myself one. I was given a huge company, and told to do what I want with it, it’s mine.
From the start I was apprehensive about this. Unless its in my name and I’m an official director it’s not reaaaally my company is it. Someone is just too lazy to do anything with it and move forward, so the financial, economical, and representational stress was dumped on me.
That’s a huge work load for a 22 year old with no prior experience. - if I don’t say so myself.
Anyway, the time passed and I progressed. It was very difficult to see how I had such little money to work with ALL the time, but I managed, turning tens into thousands in very short periods.
It was pretty lonely here, I’ve no friends except the owner and a couple of his associates. Who I obviously can’t cut loose with, as its all watched and reported back. It’s like I’m being watched 24/7. I genuinely wonder sometimes.
Anyhow. I bumped into this chick, who was very much into drifting, and came to each of my events (thats a first) and made me feel awesome. Who then moved to Australia 4 weeks later…
So I was very much lonely again.
A couple of my friends have popped up twice, we had a great time..
I don’t get the time to come home any more. The mechanic, and tea boy /assistant here were fired, so I have taken on those roles also. I work Monday to Saturday 7am til 9pm every week. And then there’s always something I have to do after hours for “him” wether it’s fixing one of the many cars (except my own) or delivering parts.
Back lonely, working all the hours, with a very little payoff.
It’s quite evident my attitude started to shift a little. Whilst, I was never disrespectful to the boss, I thought as though I was in a position to be able to speak fairly freely about the business and its finances.
Every time it turns into an argument, I have to right to tell him when he can and can’t buy cars bla bla..
And quite right he is.
But when the company depends on it, and it is much more beneficial to put 20k back into the company instead of buying a big ass truck that serves no purpose other than buying it to look rich…… Seems stupid to me.
So with no money in his ass pocket or any of the accounts because he thought buying a written off Cosworth would be a good idea, another car comes up. An rx7.
After talking about getting one for months, he points it out to me.
"That’s great, I think I’ll get that" I say, foolishly.
“You know I’m skint I was going to but it to make money, but fine you go get it and take it to Devon with you!” He says..
So I’m disposable now, after everything??? Fuck.
That’s annoying. Stupid choice, if I was spiteful anyway.
I tell him how I feel and prepare to say my goodbyes.
And that’s today.
But I met this girl about 2 months ago.. She totally ditched all her friends for me. Does it all the time. She’s awesome. Gorgeous. Funny..
But I’ve also been offered another opportunity in Florida.. A zero risk one..
Do I carry on here? For her, and him, and maybe one day, myself..
Or do I go?
Do I come back to Devon, work a 9-5, grow old, die.
I’m SO in limbo it’s unreal. I almost feel like I don’t care. Of course I do, else I wouldn’t be writing this.
I feel like I want to just sail through life and get it over with. Do my part and done.
If only it was that easy.
boy: i just want a real girl. i want a girl who looks beautiful without all that makeup. i want a down to earth girl. i want a girl who i can talk to easily. a girl who gets me. a girl who will stick by my side through everything. i want a girl who doesn't cake her face with foundation. a girl who doesn't get involved in bullshit drama. a girl who doesn't always follow the crowd. i just want a real, down to earth, kind of girl.
boy: should we fuck now.. or now?!
Like, REALLY FUCKED UP WAY.
I know a lot of people, i talk to a lot of people. But i trust very few people and consider them to be my very close friends.
They know a lot about me, and i know a lot about them. Thats how it works..
Recently i’ve spent a lot of time with two of them, we’ve talked about loads and helped each other.
Tonight, everything has been blown away.
Tonight, i found out one of them has a brain tumor..
What the actual fuck. I mean..FUCK.
How do you even digest that?
The worst part, he doesn’t even know yet. His mum has asked the doctors to keep it from him so she can tell him tomorrow. He just thinks he’s been going for tests after a car crash.
Then its down to me and 2 others to keep him pumped and party like theres no tomorrow.
How the fuck do you do that for someone thats been told they will die prematurely?
Why him? Why not a rapist or paedo?
Why have i been chosen as a strong one.
I’m fucking upset about this, just like the other two.. But im not allowed to show it because i have to reassure them. I have no idea what to do, im way over my head.
This is not a cry for pity, i dont need or want that, i just want to know what the right thing to do is..
Is there any advice someone can offer, please, how do i handle this..
Inbox’s willnotbe published, thank you..